I was in my therapy session, as per usual back then. Once a week. And I felt the air become dense as I voiced the same complaint about my situation and my life again. My therapist paused and asked me a question I never thought to ask myself. She said, “do you like yourself.” And that’s when I lost it.
I cried and couldn’t stop crying. I left the session and cried some more. I had a revelation that day. I don’t like myself. I don’t like who I am, what I stand for, how I live my life, who was in my life, my circumstances, my past, my everything. I realized I don’t have many friends because I was not a good friend to myself. How could I be my own friend when I didn’t even like myself? I couldn’t. So I sabotaged my life. I pushed people away. I was elf-destructive. I complained. The cycled repeated.
After this realization, I decided to make a change. I decided to not only like myself, but fall in love with myself. I am still on that path today. But this path, for me, meant doing things I once loved doing in order to take care of myself. I wanted to do fun things. And in doing those fun things, I have gotten better. I am a work in progress and that is OK.