I feel it in the air. As the semester is coming to a rapid end, I scramble to complete term papers and assignments that I have been slacking on. This month has already been full of changes for me. I feel like I’m spinning in zero gravity, directionless and floating. That initial push is the only thing needed for me to get started. Once I start working I can’t seem to stop. It’s good until you find yourself staring at your laptop screen at 1am frantically wondering what else I could possibly get done tonight. And with that I forced myself to go to bed. I thought I would have woken up this morning with that same energy but no, I went to the gym, showered, then went to my classes for the day. I am now just about to get things done. Starting with this lovely post to get my brain in motion from its stagnant state that it has been in the entire day. I won’t try to lecture you like my college students, but it’s hard not to. For, as you see, my dear Reader, everyone appears to be a sage online. We dish out advice and cliche remarks left and right. We almost can’t help it. We need to get it out!! I will try to refrain, for your own sake. But, one thing I will say is that I realized something very powerful today, and for those of you who seek or long to take some sort of control over your life, here we go.
On the phone I heard myself rambling, “If I could go back I would —–.” And then I stopped. Talking about what I would have done does not do me any good, it just makes me feel like I completely wasted my life, when in reality I made those certain life choices because they made sense to me at the time. I was always an over-thinker. If there is any thought left in the world, I have probably either thought about it or worried about it at some point in my life. But, I still continue to think maybe if I majored in something different I would be in a different position. Yes, that is true. But I was very successful in school and who is to say I would have been successful doing that other major. I then thought it is better to be a big fish in a small pond than an average fish in a large pond, the saying goes something like this and it is true in my scenario. I know I study hard but I will never get to know how things would have turned out had I gone down a different path. Things just are how they are, baby. And now I shouldn’t look back because it does me no benefit. I did what I did and I am where I am and now must choose where to go from here with what I have. I sound like Dr. Seuss now. So, I will try to bask in the glory of where I have come from since it has been a long journey. I have grown by leaps and bounds even from the start of this week. I am not the same, for every experience I have helps me make more sense out of who I am and who I will find myself to be years from now. I cannot possibly plan for every scenario life may throw at me, I can only try to make steps every day towards building the life I want for myself. Thank you for reading. I hope you find peace in your current situation because even if things are not as good as you’d like, this is only transitory and will change. The only thing that is certain is that things will change. Every aspect of my life seems to be up in the air and I’m the only one who could possibly be ready for my own journey.
Be at peace, not in pieces.