I’ve been so overly emotional today. I went through the gamut of feelings. First I was fine, then felt powerful and accomplished, then felt down and out, full of despair, sad, lost, confused, then I just spiraled from there. Trying to recapture my composure tonight in order to get some sh*t done was hard to do. Trying to decide my next move is the toughest thing I’ve had to face thus far. I am scared to make that crucial move to alter my path. Staying on the current road would be the easiest option. On paper it is a fine choice. But my emotional state will continue to suffer. Everyday I feel pained. Every move I make, every word I have to listen to cuts me deep. It’s like splinters in my ears. I fidget and can’t keep my butt in place to sit and listen to words that have no meaning to me, both metaphysically and logically. I need to stop listening to the birds of advice chirping in my ears. Yes, I seek council daily. But I need to trust myself that I know what’s best for me at this given point in time. I can’t rely on others to make this tough decision, even if their choice may be the one with least regrets in the future, because if I listen to someone else I may wind up with resentment worse than any regret. Resentment ruins relationships. Anyway, how could I regret leaving something behind that has caused me nothing but agony and stress? My complete disinterest is overwhelming and I can’t ignore that. I do have the tendency to quit…but I only quit something I really don’t like doing anymore. At one point in my life I could tolerate the constant pounding of knowledge into my brain. I am not sure what or where I want to go next, I just know it ain’t around here.
You get what you give, promise.