When you don’t know where to go and you ain’t got no “home.” Right now I am (still) trying to figure out my next move(s). Making choices for myself is hard. I was never a decisive person. Paying bills is daunting. Needing that income flow is a scary thing. No income, no money, can’t pay bills…and then what? Well I’m not sure and I don’t want to find out.
Adulthood is more than I bargained for. Between bills, heartache, family issues, and the need to maintain emotional stability, I’m surprised I’m still able to function. I guess I am stronger than I thought. Holding grudges was never my thing, I’m a sweeper. But my pile of issues has been piling up so much over the years that it is looming over my shoulder and is just about to crash down on top of me. I’m ready to snap at any moment. I was never one to hold in my emotions so anyone who cares can see the distressed look in my eyes, the tired expression, the anxiety-ridden thoughts running across my eyelids and taking up real estate in my mind. Where I think, I dwell. Where I worry, I live. Living in my mind is not a healthy thing nor does it provide me with adequate shelter from the outside forces. The rain still falls, the snow still pummels, the sun still rises and sets on my worried mind. Every time I feel I am one step closer to making a decision and committing to it, I back down from fear, and quadruple guess myself into a stupor.
Signed, a real estate agent with nowhere to call home.