I may not have studied for my final exam which is tomorrow morning, but I did learn a very valuable lesson tonight. I looked back at a past full of regrets and mistakes and heart aches and truly wanted to learn what my patterns are and how I can correct them through conscious effort. After painfully reviewing my old messages from the past, I see how sweet and kind-hearted I am, but I also found some flaws which were hard for me to swallow. I knew these things about myself, but looking back and actually re-reading old messages with a new perspective gave me that perfect hind-sighted 20/20 vision where I could see me for who I was and reading some of the things I said was painful for myself, so I can imagine how these people must have felt. I sat incredulous for a few minutes–wondering how I was operating my life in that manner. Even now, today, I have said things that were so Sabrina two years ago. But now that I am extremely aware of myself, my impact, and my words, I feel I can better manage myself so as to not look back in embarrassment and regret. I have had many cringe-worthy moments that were sometimes to the point of not being able to look at myself in the mirror.
I have big plans for myself. I am rapidly changing my circumstances, so now my challenge is that I must match my mental state. I know with a conscious effort, I can be myself to my fullest potential because I know my worth and what I stand for. I have also re-discovered goals I have been putting on the back-burner, and I will attack them full-force. I will let life’s puzzle pieces fall where they may and watch them configure into a beautifully constructed and ever-expanding photograph. I will do some necessary changes in my mental state and the way I operate in order to help facilitate the journey to live a life I am proud of and happy with.