I am a work in progress. I have moments of weakness. I am trying to uphold my main principles that I have established for myself, but there is always room for smudging the lines a bit when life gets in the way. I have ideals, which are rarely met. I need to be more flexible. I am usually black or white, and I am uneasy being in the grey areas. In order for me to grow, adapt, and change the way I have been operating, I need to become more comfortable operating in this grey area. I feel the uncertainty of this grey area is representative of life. Life isn’t certain. All the fun is in those grey areas. I created these rigid rules for myself, but I am feeling like maybe I am just trying to control too many aspects of my life. I need to put myself out there and see what gravitates towards me. I am out there, in more ways than one, but I am so harsh on myself and others. No one is perfect, especially not me. So, as I come to terms with the fact that not everything will always work out, not everything is at it appears, not everyone means what they say, and sometimes it is ok to be in the grey, I am imagining myself becoming happier because I can come to terms with the fact that life will happen and maybe things don’t happen for a reason. Maybe things just happen and I have to let them roll off of me. Is there “the one” out there? I’d like to think so. But I have thought I found “the one” several times in my life so far. You know when you realize you could be so wrong about something? It;s when you think you found “the one” and they leave you. When you used to tell yourself, “it’s ok, I’ll do this and be ok with this because in the end I choose her always.” What I didn’t know was that “always” had an expiration date. Now how could I ever trust myself for deceiving me? How could I ever trust my instincts again? When all along I thought everything was ok, and then you done up and left me. My heart has been broken in so many pieces yet I still have the ability to trust and love all over. I haven’t lost my passion for love.
Be in the grey with me.