It is to no surprise for me to report that I am a lesbian. I have always struggled with whether or not I have to tell people my sexual orientation. Upon meeting new friends, I wonder when the right time is to let them know about my sexual preference. Sometimes I don’t ever say it. It turns out when they see my posts about being gay or pictures of me with any girls I had been dating, they get the hint. I sometimes still struggle with this but a friend once told me that I don’t need to say anything because why should it matter whether I am gay or not? It need not be said unless we are trying to date. I’ve told many people explicitly, but most have just heard it through the grapevine via social media or word of mouth. I am fine with any route.
In school when I was very young I was a tomboy. I played on the boys sports teams until I was no longer allowed and all of my friends in school had been boys. One teacher had called my mom in for a meeting and informed my mom that there was a problem with me–she thought I was gay!! Well, Mrs. IWillNotNameYou, you were correct but for the wrong reasons! Just because I was a tomboy did not mean I wanted to in fact be a boy or that I was gay. In this case I am gay, but not every tomboyish girl is gay! Plus it was not a problem..being gay is not something that I did wrong. And for this woman to confront my mom and say something was wrong with me was wrong in itself. And to add to it, the lady needed to mind her own damn business and not worry about the possible sexual orientation of little kids.
What people fail to recognize is that sexual orientation is different than sexual identity. Hence the reason why Caitlyn Jenner (formerly Bruce Jenner) has identified herself as a woman yet still prefers to be with women. She, formerly he, was essentially a lesbian in a man’s body. I will not say anything more about this because simply you are inundated with this on the news. To finish I will make a statement, we often talk of a man’s accomplishments and a woman’s beauty. Take it as you may.
In the news you can also hear about the debate on gay marriage. Firstly, you can’t get gay married, you get plain old married! The movement is for marriage equality, not the legalization of this “gay marriage” because gay people who get married will be considered just to be “married” not “gay married.” Being gay was not a choice for me. The choice is not to be gay or not to be gay [a new take on Shakespeare?!?]. The choice lies in conforming to the social norms or choosing to live a life that will make me happy. I thought I was going to get married to a man and have kids the old fashioned way. I never thought living as a lesbian was a choice that I had/could make for myself, until I chose it. I chose to live this gay lifestyle and I wouldn’t go back to any other way. Growing up I never identified myself as this foreign taboo label. But I eventually came to terms with it. It’s who I am. I am not a passive person so once I identified myself I was able to live how I wanted to, free from the judgement of others. Thankfully I have had tremendous support from my family. I’ve lost some friends along the way but that’s another story! And sometimes people (including family) don’t take my sexuality seriously. They mention boys…dating boys..even though they have met a girl I used to date. I guess it takes time for things to sink in. And this is NOT a PHASE, this is me and I am a lesbian. I do not want to live my life in a way to please others and make them feel comfortable with my decisions. I have met gay and lesbian individuals who have chosen the straight lifestyle in fear of upsetting family. That is their choice and I don’t judge, but I could never do that to myself. No one has to live with me and my choices but myself. Living a gay lifestyle didn’t even seem too much of a choice once I established who I was. I just try to be true to myself everyday and take steps to make myself happier every single day.
If you or anyone you know is ever in need of help, love, or support, reach out to me (my info can be found in my first blog post).
With much love and support,