gorilla hands

The 11th hour has come upon me..the last moment where change can happen..the last moment where effort can make a difference. In other words it is now or never.

As daunting and scary as this sounds…it is.

In a last attempt, a last ditch effort to finish on time, this is when I begin. Just about any other time to begin would have been better than this time now. But now is all I have. So this is where I am – this is where I stand – and this is where I start to try to change things around. After mulling it over and over and over in my head I finally gave into it to do the thing that has been pounding me at the back of my skull every time I have a good time, every laughter, every joyful whim that receives answering, every single damn time I am happy I am suddenly not. For I have not yet done the thing which I should have done. There’s that damned word again. SHOULD. But yes I should have done this sooner. No looking back now though, that won’t do us any good.

All I have is now. And I’m gonna make it fucking count. When it needs to count…it needs to count…it needs to matter. My efforts need to make a difference.

It is now or never. Any point up until now the options were as follows: now, never, later. Now there is no “later” there is only now or never and I can’t afford to do the latter

For the latter would leave me utterly stuck in time. My mind would be trapped in regret of 3 years gone by. 3 years of lost moments of me lost in the moment only to be grounded by reality. Procrastination was always the name of my game and the nature of my wins. I’ve created some pretty neat things on the twilight of procrastination. I’ve simply astounded myself. And I intend to do the same.