Lifestyle Blog: living with fear & anxiety

The real time thoughts of Sabrina

Every bad thing… — May 9, 2018

Every bad thing…

I was on the brink of something even better happening….

Every seemingly bad thing that has ever happened to me was actually good. Either a door was shut to push me through a better door or something bad ended so something good could begin. I used to think that bad things happened to the seemingly good things in my life BUT, the bad thing that happened to the good thing was actually a good thing that happened to the bad thing.

An event is not inherently good or bad; this is determined by our perception of the thing.

Massive debt doesn’t require money… — May 8, 2018

Massive debt doesn’t require money…

At a certain point we need to take responsibility for our actions, as well as for our inactions. We need to recognize that hindsight is 20/20. If we had perfect information, we still would make mistakes. Knowing the right thing to do can be hard, especially because there is no “right” path to take. We can follow out passions, but if we don’t have any then what do we do?

I went right into graduate school after college, not because I wanted to, nor was it even required for the job market, but because I thought I couldn’t pass up the opportunity of a free education. I got a full ride and was able to teach a college class and get paid to do it. But, I still consider myself in massive debt from my education. My debt has nothing to do with money. I indebted myself with my time.

I don’t regret taking that opportunity to attend graduate school, but after that first year I knew it wasn’t what I wanted at all. I planned on getting out but “only had one more year.” That one more year turned into a 2-year long thesis revision-headache-mental breakdown- extravaganza. I knew when I should have exited, after that first year when I knew it wasn’t right for me. But I kept going. After that, I was plunged into despair and depression and anxiety and bad habits. I blamed the world for my choices. My choices led to my problems. My problems led me spiraling. I felt like I wasn’t in control when the only thing I had was control.

I cannot get those 3 torturous years back. I received my Master’s degree and did a completely obscure thesis because I had to make a choice, if I didn’t I’d be delayed even further. My degree has not helped me in the least. It is not the typical engineering, accounting, computer science, etc, so no one knows what I am qualified to do. Neither do I. Yet again, I opted for degrees instead of experience. I have no real relate-able work experience in anything. I have no skills except curiosity and laziness. This is still my own fault.

It’s about time I take responsibility for it all. At this point I am just scared of making decisions. Ironically, my only way to happiness is to make the difficult ones.

Pod for One — May 6, 2018
Podcast announcement — May 5, 2018
Fixed mindset, Fixed life — May 2, 2018

Fixed mindset, Fixed life

Life is not fixed; learning ends in -ing- so it is continual. You are constantly evolving and in a state of flow. You are never fixed in any state or in any timeframe. Only a photograph can capture that. But you are in constant motion and constantly projecting into time, space, and the future is not a destination but a continual movement, a transition from one moment to the next and your place in that space .

Wake, Work, Wepeat. — May 1, 2018

Wake, Work, Wepeat.

It’s 6am; my alarm goes off. I toss and turn for another 40 minutes, angry with the clock for reminding me of the time. “Sounds like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays” repeats over and over and over in my head from my favorite movie, Office Space. I saw this movie and projected my life into the future, destined to be a character in this film, except without any escape. The weeks fly by now. I sit in my office every day from 9 to 5 waiting for 4:59pm so I can start packing up my bags. All I know is I can’t live this way for much longer.

This is my first job, and it’s not a bad gig. There’s not too much pressure, no deadlines looming over me, and everyone is pleasant. So why is my brain in this mental prison?

I just know I’m not built for the office, but it’s not like I am some kind of adventurer either. I like stability but I don’t like taking orders. The monotony bores me, yet little excites me in the first place.

We all are stuck in the same rut. We wake up, go to work, and we repeat. We repeat. The repetition. We collectively are complacent in this place, hence WEpeat. I bet you thought I had a typo in my title đŸ˜‰


The day I realized all my fears are connected — April 27, 2018

The day I realized all my fears are connected

Going through the day to day motions, deep in the trenches of monotony, it is hard to see the forest through the trees. The connectedness of all our problems lie deep within us. But once you realize the common thread of all your worries, doubts, apprehensions, and fears, you can then begin to repair your flawed thinking at its root.

Let me explain…

  1. With money, I am constantly worried it will go away, that I don’t have enough of it, that I won’t be able to survive, that it is scarce and fleeting, that I am not worthy of it.
  2. With my relationships I am worried that people will leave me, that I am not worthy of love, that it is fleeting.
  3. With my job security, I fear that I will be fired, that I am not good enough at my job, that I won’t be able to survive, that I am not liked.
  4. With my leisurely activities, I barely practice the guitar anymore because I think I am not good enough for it to be my hobby.
  5. With anything new I fear I don’t have enough talent or I lack the skillset to do it properly.

Do you see a common thread?

All of our worries and fears throughout every aspect of our life, be it relationships, financials, career, health, are echoed in each other. 

My underlying anxieties are: constant worry that I am lacking, that I am not enough, that resources are scarce, and that everything will go away.

These anxieties affect every single aspect of my life. All of these things help to keep me down. What can a person do about it?

  1. The first step is deciding that you are done feeling this way!
  2. The next step is to start questioning your anxieties. Ask a lot of “whys”. Are your anxieties valid? Is there any hard evidence? Is there any proof of these things that you tell yourself? Truly evaluate your situation and question your mindset.
  3. Choose a positive outlook. Tell yourself good things about yourself. Talk to yourself like you would your best friend. Encourage yourself. Tell yourself, “I can do this! I am worthy!” or create some other mantra for yourself that you can remind yourself when you start feeling down.
  4. Create a plan to get yourself out of your rut.
  5. Start doing things. Put yourself out there. Take baby steps. Do one small thing and get excited about it. Make yourself feel good about it.

Get pumped up. Change your mindset. And even if good things don’t come right away, your new outlook will change the way you intake information. Your perception of the things that happen to you will totally change. And remember, you do have permission to feel sadness, grief, guilt, but the difference is to not let it bog you down. Don’t let one bad or unfortunate thing ruin everything.

Social Media Is Not Free — April 19, 2018

Social Media Is Not Free

Written on March 2, 2017. This applies to the Facebook issues of today.

Today Snap Inc., some of you may know as Snapchat, made its debut on the NYSE at $17 a share. This is one of the most anticipated tech IPOs probably since Facebook’s. Influencers, like Gary Vaynerchuk, have been adamantly promoting their audiences to use the app more and use it often because it will be the leading social media medium in the coming times. If you plan on starting your own business, you better have a snapchat account. However, does Snap really work? First off, the platform makes finding friends and discovering new accounts pretty difficult. Instagram makes it so easy to find new accounts to follow! Think about the last time you followed a celebrity or a new friend or random person on Snap? How did you even get their username? I know that I usually troll IG until I find a Snap username…

The ads for Snap recently have been nothing less of a nuisance. I know they need to make money somehow, but is it really a business to sell ads on your app? How much more business do you think these annoying ads actually bring? I’m not marketing expert, but I am a consumer and I don’t know any person who enjoys listening to ads. We DVR shows and fast forward the commercials, podcasts allow me to skip over any and all ads — I basically try to mitigate the number of ads I need to watch/listen to on a daily basis and I spend just god damn too long doing it. Now I’m not trying to bring down a company, I know we all want and need to make money. It’s just that, we consumers thought social media was free…but we were wrong. Besides all the companies trying to get us to click a link on social media to meet their marketing quota and maybe sell us some stuff, that’s not the only cost for consumers.

We are for sale. American consumers, consumed with social media. The funny thing is we think social media is free. We give out our personal information, post private and intimate pictures, and share intimate and minute details of our banal lives to try to appear like our lives are somehow more extraordinary than our fellow high school and college alumni in order to fill a gap that was created by the very platform in which we now use a coping mechanism. Or we try to show how funny we are and count our worth in the number of likes we get.

Social media is not free. It takes away our precious hours, wastes away our attention spans, wastes our lives…all to consume more useless information about what someone’s dinner was or what song they are currently listening to…do we really care about these people we haven’t seen in years or maybe people we never even met? Why do I care? But we do care. I care.

Social media is not free. It has robbed us of our confidence, our self-esteem, our happiness.  It robs us of our time that could have been spent with loved ones, studying a new subject, spending time with family members, or on the phone with a friend far away. These are the most expensive things. Because we expect that marketers and companies will try to make us buy their product, they need to survive. But in a world where suicide among bullied, depressed, low self-esteemed teens is heard of too often, we have to think that maybe social media has cost us something more than a pair of pink socks with funny cat faces…

However, the fact that I can even share this post is amazing. The connectivity that social media gives us to people all over the world with access to the internet and a computer is unbelievable. It has also made us available 24/7. An overworked, depressed, and anxious country may be the result…


Thought of the day — April 10, 2018
You are worthy — January 18, 2018

You are worthy

In romantic relationships, often times one or both individuals have finally found someone that they care about. Yes, it is a wonderful thing. A person could have gone on a dozen or more dates before finding ‘the one.’ When this person does find someone they ‘click’ with they often think that they want to be exclusive with this person because they are ‘worth it.’ And sometimes they broadcast this message on social media. For example, “I’ve had commitment issues in the past but I finally found someone who was worth it to try.”

This statement I feel is extremely damaging and troubling. A person has found someone worth something to them. This must imply that everyone who came before ‘the one’ was not worth it for you to try. And this is where I find fault in that statement.

Everyone is worthy of love and compassion. And if one person does not find you ‘worth it’ to commit to a relationship, this does not deplete your worthiness as an individual. I think what the person-now-in-relationship meant to say was that they finally found someone that they ‘click’ with and care about on a mutual level. Because one person is not more or less worthy than another.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you are not worthy of love. You are enough.